Men’s Conference

Whenever I sing along to the song “Get Outta My Dreams, Get Into My Car” by British singing star, Sebastian Charles, professionally known as Billy Ocean, I do it with the hope that all my dreams will one day become a reality. Then the words of Martin Luther King keep my hopes alive with the thought that everybody has a dream and that every dream dreamt during the day when you’re wide awake can surely be achieved.

The reason I mention dreams in my opening is that above all my immediate dream is to see the Men’s Conference which has caused much hype on social media platforms becoming a reality. Men need this. Women do have gatherings. I must say that their gatherings are those that are for building. They do have stokvels. They have marriage meetings as bo Makoti. They come together and tour the world. What about us? It’s easier for men to organize a quick, quick ‘Let’s-get-beer-and-meat-for-braai’ get-together and talk about boyish stuff. That would take less than 30 minutes of a few telephone calls, but there will be guys who drove 200 kilometres to get to the venue. We would even secure a Deejay to screech the decks for us, for that matter. Throughout the gathering, we never talk about serious things. No wonder men take the rear seats in Community Meetings and the church is complaining men’s bums are as scarce as hen’s teeth on their church seats. Even at funerals, men would be loitering there reviewing their previous day’s drinking experience or previewing the upcoming soccer match. Some would be puffing and passing a zol with thick smoke in the cemetery intensifying air pollution.

First, Men’s Conference is defined as an imaginary three-day meeting developed for men who avoid spending on their girlfriends or wives on Valentine’s Day. It has now run like wildfire up to a point that some men even attend the meeting immediately after salary payment. I believe there might be a lot of such meetings this festive season! Don’t forget that it is still an imaginary meeting.

I must say that I love music and I draw a lot of inspiration from it. I am a good sing-along singer. A man is a tiger and he shouldn’t cry, at least in public. That’s what patriarchy teaches us but Ringo Madlingozi says if you don’t cry you are likely to succumb to your internal pains. ‘See The World Through The Eyes Of A Child' is a song by the proudly South African group, Stimela. I am nearly brought to tears when it plays. Instead of gyrating to the melody of this classic, I cry. There’s a crisis in South Africa. Children are abducted, raped, murdered and their bodies mutilated. Nobody knows why this happens. You are lucky if your child goes missing and after a few days she or he is found intact. You wonder what wrongs our children have done to deserve this if we believe they do. In such cases, a man will be found to be the cause. A man will have blood on his hands. We can give reasons all day and night, but the child you made with that woman doesn’t deserve that treatment. The child wasn’t there when you got together, separated, or fought. Why kill the young, innocent soul that still has a future ahead? Some men see it fit to contaminate their hands with that child or those children.

Today you cannot leave your child with your neighbor, their stepfather, and worse, even their bloody father. It is more on the girl child. You never know the surprise gift you will get when you come back. Our children cannot play in the streets anymore. The streets are not safe. Schools are not safe. No place is safe. All the fingers show in the direction of men. Some men have lost their marbles in morality. They are so stranded.

There’s Caiphus Semenya and Letta Mbulu’s song ‘Woman Has Got A Right To Be’. It reminds us that women are human beings and they deserve to be treated as equals as they have rights too, just like men. They deserve to be loved and respected. Having said that, women are so special. Nothing can take away that women are a gift from God. They are beautiful, are not they? We need them. They need us too. At the end of the day, we both need each other and God created things like that.

GBV is rife in South Africa hence it is viewed as another pandemic dirtying our beautiful country. Men are in most cases found on the wrong side while women and children are the victims. Men do go through abuse as well. Some ‘clever’ women and wayward children take their fathers through that experience but men are the worst. I guess women and children too need to be taught that violence and abuse against men are as deadly as when the pain receiver is them. The pain is the same. So, who deserves the pain? In reality, none of us have to go through that.

Men, in the context of my topic, it goes to a point of me asking myself what has gotten into them or us. Why have we become so selfish, barbaric, and murderous? Why are we causing pain to the ones we claim to love? Why hurt the ex-girlfriend you were once in love with? Being apart now should not mean she must or you must die. Nobody is granted the right to get rid of the other or cause them pain for that matter. Never burn that man with acid or burn that woman with her new boyfriend in their shack. Move on. There is always a better someone out there.

My suggested solution to the above societal challenges that we face every day is that men should come together in a big conference hall and discuss them. In fact, it would not matter if the gathering happens under a big Marula tree or under the comfort of bright lights and turning seats of a massive hall as long as the tutelage of a man would be saved. The thing is that we still have good men out there. Damn good men who are excellent fathers, brothers and uncles to others. There are still beautiful and caring women who need to have these real men. We cannot allow these bad scumbags to paint us with the same dirty brush. We need to save our image.

Our real-life issues cannot solve themselves. We cannot run away forever. Men need to be responsible. Consuming alcohol and doing nothing about our issues cannot help us in any way. There are burning issues like GBV, socio-economic, men and their health and wealth, failure to raise responsible boy children, drug and substance abuse, crime, financial challenges, the ever-escalating unemployment rates, ways to deal with stubborn baby mamas, how to love our women adequately, relationships and marriages and any other issues of concern. The life of today rather demands that men come together under one theme and save what is left of a man. The world will be a better place for us all if we come together in the real Men’s Conference and agree to be good. We would agree and keep up with the agreement.

Yes, I am a dreamer. I am a day dreamer. I dream of a life in a world that is free of violence but only peace and happiness prevail. Is it a dream not possible?